


Avis infirmos

by SneezySoul (TeRmInAlLyCaPrIcIioUs)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, OOC, Sickfic, This Is STUPID, i have little clue where i am going with this, this story goes a bit fast sorry not sorry, totally stole Byrds name no lie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4253838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeRmInAlLyCaPrIcIioUs/pseuds/SneezySoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byrd (Davesprite) manages to catch an illness. No one really knows what they're doing. Stuff happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avis infirmos

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a sickfic and I wanted one now. ~~So I did what every lonely person would do and wrote one instead of asking~~ :u
> 
> [ Slight stuff taken from 'the family you choose' series. I think that's what it was called right? - you should check it out, if you haven't.] 
> 
> Please note that I haven't read homestuck in a while so someone might have the wrong quirk or something. Sorry. Also sorry if anything looks weird. I'm tired, it's three in the morning...soo...uhm. Enjoy. ( ´•௰•`)

**H** is body felt heavy, his mind was literally focused on nothing as the room swam around him in bliss, like as a mind of its own. He never got this sick, as Striders never got sick besides an occasional cold here or there, and those weren't to the stage of falling on the floor sick.

He flops himself down ungracefully on the couch, ignoring the phone ringing across the room, instead curling into himself, clutching at his stomach as it was pained. It almost felt like he had been stabbed repeatedly and left to die a slow and agonizingly dizzy death. His brothers were all out today; llowing:\n\nZangets Dirk had gone to live with his boyfriend, Jake, for the week, Dave had decided to join the Egbert family out with something or another, and his older brother hadn't been in the house since he left early this morning to follow Dave, which left Byrd alone, as he declined any offers of going out anywhere.

He knew he was going to be sick yesterday, when he had vertigo for a short glimpse as Bro was trying to teach him how to balance himself out. (Even though Byrd knew he could probably never balance out, okay, fuck you. )

Fighting the urge to blow his ungodly sick-biased chunks all over the couch, he turns his head toward the television, which Dave obviously left on in his haste to... _Wow_ , the television made him even more nauseous, what with all the random people on the screen flashing in and out and - oh God he was going to be sick if he continued watching this bullshit.

Breathing deeper breaths by the second, he reaches half-assedly toward the remote, which was placed on the small table by the couch. honestly, with all Dirk's robotic junk stacked high on the coffee table, Byrd was surprised the remote was even visible right now - fuck, it hurt to focus on things, but with no one around, he let his weakness show up him by a split second; letting his eyes go out of focus for three seconds, he accidentally flips the remote on the floor, along with a decapitated smuppet. he groans, feeling his dizziness hit him with a force of a thousand - no, a _trillion_ \- angry Karkat stampedes.

The phone blares about two more times, but Byrd barely could care right now, not even bothering to turn his head to check the caller ID, he lets himself fall into a slight doze, not really sleeping as the world was swimming around him too fast for his comfort and his stomach gnawed at itself, threatening to throw out his breakfast. The noise of the shitty soap playing on the television was heard as if through a funnel; distant and kind-of fuzzy. Byrd tried not to listen too intently on it, lest he also add a headache to himself.

It took all of his willpower just to lean down a smudge to pick up the remote and fumble it until he found the 'off' button. (Wow, way to go, genius! ). He drops it back to the floor, even the barest of movements made him feel like the world was moving too fast. He goes back to absentmindedly laying there in a daze. His sunglasses had slipped from his face when he went to get the remote from the floor, which he silently subconsciously cried over (hey, hey, wake up and get your shit together! those are your _Iglasses_ you dumbfuck! ).

He lightly dreamt of wings, his older brother, and a nice nest up in the sky. His fingers twitch as he dreams of running them through long silky feathers, memorizing the feeling, even through a sleepy haze.

 

 

 

Three hours later and the front door is literally slammed open, making Byrd jostle in surprise before stilling as he felt like he was submerged in a tank of water. Shouting could be heard, and of course he knew whose shouts they were, but he couldn't decipher what they were trying to tell him. Did he forget to check if the oven was on - did the pantaloons loon loon loonloon what the _fuck_ was his mind doing _what the fuck_.

"I swear if you're in here snickering like a fucking dick wallet about not answering the phone I will fucking -"

"Karkat, chill, he probably went out or som 

"Or snoozing."

Dirk, Dave, and Karkat look to the bunched up figure on the couch. Byrd knew that they saw him there, and he was too sick to care about what he looked like at the moment. He just silently pleaded that they'd all leave him alone because the way they skirt across his fogged up vision makes him feel like dying as his nausea1 comes back full force as the world spins constant.

"Holy shit what's wrong with him? - Is he pupating?" He hears Khe troll’s hand - claw - whatevers rub across his arm, hoping to grab a reaction from him. Byrd makes sure to exhale as slowly as possible as another stab of pain sears across his abdomen. He loves Karkat, he really does, but right now seeing the troll crouched down next to him, staring at him curiously, Byrd wished silently that they'd pack up and leave him here for a minute or two. Honestly, it wasn't a too hard thing to do, right?

"Pupa what?" Dave asks, before taking a stand next to the troll, "No man, he's probably sick or something. Hey, Byrd, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Byrd closes his eyes drowsily. "Th...two?" he groans in answer, not even bothering to look anymore. He could swear if he moved another inch it'd tear him apart. ( Exasperatingly said, of course. )

"Bro, I wasn't even holding up my hand."

"I don't know how to help with sickness." Says Dirk as he goes to the phone, looking at all the missed calls from Karkat, Dave, or John himself. 34, to be exact. "I've not been sick yet, so yeah."

"Couldn't you just hold your breath until it goes away?" Karkat questions, moving to stare face-to-face with the ill sprite-man-not-a-sprite-anymore-person on the couch. "John had this weird sickness he told me about that that was the solution to."

"Dude, that's _hiccups_ , it's not even a sickness." Dave chuckles. "Also, ah, I don't know how to deal with sickness either because all I’ve ever got was a baby cold or something. That shit was gone as soon as it came. Striders don't do sick, so this is kind of new."

Dirk moves across the room silently, bending down the retrieve Byrd’s glasses and the remote off the floor, setting them both to the side table by the couch, making sure to be as quiet as possible, as to not disrupt Byrd anymore than they've already did. "So should we call Bro?"

"Nah," Dave reaches down to pat Byrd on the arm, as if checking to see if his kind-of-twin was still with them in the land of the awake. "I think if we called him he'd be as lost as we are. Maybe we could call John's dad over, like, that guy could heal a _thousand_ people and never bat an eyelash."

"Byrd?" Karkat nudges said person, forcing Byrd to respond with a muffled 'Hm?' as he opens his eyes to try to focus a bit on Karkat, which, of course, was probably the hardest thing to do as his eyes seemed to follow their own rules, shaking to his own heartbeat like a bad cameraman shaking the camera.

"Wht...want?" Byrd forces out, feeling that familiar 'this will never be forgotten and probably used as blackmail or some short story over a family dinner' vibe from both his brothers. He wonders vaguely if he looks about as bad as he feels right now, because right now his body has betrayed him at every turn, and he expects one of his brothers to shoot out a sarcastic remark.

Unfortunately, Dave's hand on his forehead was not expected but oh _gog_ it felt so nice and cool and holy _shit_ dude he loves his weird twin right now.

"Holy Egbertus booticus," Dave swears, watching as Byrd slightly moves his head to nuzzle his hand, which also kind of freaks him out but. "I hate to say it right now, but man you're hot. Also what the hell dude is my touch that amazing because -"

"Did you just butcher the Egbert name as an insult?" Dirk cuts him off, phone in hand, fingers ready to dial away,

"Yeah I just did," Dave smirks, replacing his hand with Karkat’s quickly, with a 'here you deal with this', before taking a stand. "I'm gonna go see if Bro has any medicine in his room for this shit, you keep things chill okay?"

"Why the fuck do I need to sit here like this?" Karkat asks quickly before Dave could turn to the staircase. "Isn't touching a bad thing while a human is sick?"

Dirk dials the Egbert house phone. "No," he answers for Dave, as he twirls his finger in the phone cord absentmindedly. "You can get sick from them though, but it'd probably not affect trolls."

"Thank gog."

"Though, if he's running a fever, from what Jake had told me, Byrd could probably be delirious right now. Just so you know." Dirk adds on, before the other end of the line picks up, with a distinct and happy 'hellooo~' coming from the line, John's voice loud and clear as Dirk quickly switches the phone into speaker mode.

"John you fuckwit come over here and help I think Byrd is _dying_." Karkat says, as he runs the claws of his other hand through Byrd's hair, ignoring how fluffy it seemed, or how Byrd leaned a hair foreword into the touch. Said sick person letting out a low hum, closing his eyes into the touches, no matter how rough they were, or hesitant, content with the company.

"What?" John asks, chuckling slightly. "Did he get his hand stuck in the drain again?"

"This is serious you nookmunch walnut face."

"...R...really? - Wait, Karkat, what's wrong?" John's concerned voice earning him a chuckle from Dave as he comes back down the stairs, arms full of medications and pill bottles.

"Everything is wrong! He's like a fat meow beast after a heavy meal of Gamzee's sopor shit!"

"Hey guys I don't know what half of these things do so if any of this kills him I don’t want to be blamed and thrown in jail for the rest of my life." Dave says, swiping a few smuppets and electronics from the coffee table to set down all the medicines, after, standing up and itching his nose for a second, taking in the sight of his twin. "Oh by the way, hey John."

"We were wondering if you could lend us your father for the day." Dirk sighs, running a hand down his face. "None of us know how to help someone who's sick like this."

"Oh, well, he's kind of busy right now..." John answers softly, as if in thought. "But I can get Jade to come over! She knows some of this stuff, right?"

Dirk looks over to the clock; he had to go back to Jake soon if they were ever to go 'adventuring' like they were supposed to. "That would be helpful." he says, watching as Karkat struggled with not shoosh papping the sickly Byrd.

There's shuffling on the other line as if papers were being thrown around by a fan, before John happily answers. "she'll be over in a little while, okay? Just try to - I don’t know, get him to drink tea or something!" And with that, John hangs up, leaving the line to fall dead. Dirk places the phone back onto the wall, before moving over to the stacks of medicine.

He and Dave sift through it, trying to find ones that may be useful, setting the ones with no use aside so someone could throw them back into Bros room when this was all said and done. Byrd falls into another doze, Karkat letting him go, before turning to the other two. "So, is this a 'cold', or is it something bad?"

Dave snorts with amusement. "Yeah, he's dying. No hope for him now, we're just going to slowly kill him with medicine out of the goodness of our hearts."

"I'm going to assume that it's similar to the 'cold', then. Fucker." Karkat guesses, adding the last bit as a retort to Dave's jest.

"Yeah, it shouldn't be that bad." Dirk muses, looking over a bottle of Vitamin supplements. Seriously, how did Bro even obtain these things? "I think with a bit of medicine and sleep he'll be okay in a few days."

"Yeah says the bulge-humper who doesn’t know about sickness!" Karkat snarks, taking a seat in the armchair across the room, eyeing the two down with a twinge of scrutiny.

"I'm just going off of the books." Dirk answers in kind, except his snark is more toned-down, obviously more concerned about the pills he was looking over than the grumpy troll across the room.

"We had books?" Dave quirks an eyebrow. "I thought we used those for toilet paper. Or sword practice."

"We did. I was already done with them anyway."

Suddenly, the laptop on the desk across the room blazes to life, blaring off the familiar tune to a pesterlog chatroom being opened. Karkat goes to stand up, taking the laptop along with him back to the old recliner, before sitting with crossed legs and typing out a few replies to whomever decided to junk off pester. Dirk takes the odd pill bottles all back into Bros room for now; wouldn’t want Bro realizing the brothers decided to trifle through his shit, now. Dave leans over the back of the armchair Karkat sits in, watching as the angry troll types.

\- gardenGnostic [GG] Started Pestering CrowCrow [CC] at 4:57 PM EST -

GG: hey John told me youre sick? 

GG: are you okay?

GG: ...

GG: I'm guessing not :(

CC: OF COURSE FUCKING NOT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, HIM TO JUST SUDDENLY BE UP AND AROUND BLOWING PETUNIAS OUT OF HIS ARSE LIKE THE FUCKWIT HE IS?

GG: karkat? :o

CC: YEAH ITS ME.

GG: oh sorry i thought he sent john to get me

GG: john wasnt really all that clear about the whole shebang

CC: HE'S NOT CLEAR ON A ALOT OF THINGS, HARLEY. LET'S GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.

CC: ALSO YEAH BYRDS NOT FEELING ALL TOO FINE, SO I GET TO SHIT ON HIS PESTERCHUM BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT.

CC: DAVE SAYS HI BY THE WAY.

GG: oh, hi dave! :)

GG: and have you checked his temp?

GG: im on my way over there now just so you know :p

CC: yo man we aint checked jack crap because no one around here gets sick over shit

CC: i dunno maybe bro still has a thermometer someplace other than in a smuppets ass

CC: but your guess is as good as mine

CC: just so you know now though i am not digging through bros smuppets to check out their asholes for thermos so dont even start asking me to

GG: why yes dave can you please check the smuppets you enjoy so much? 

GG: :p

GG: anywho um im near the pharmacy so i guess i could try to grab some stuff for him on my way!

GG: i just dont know whats wrong with him though, could you tell me?

CC: WELL HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS DYING. DOES THAT EXPLAIN SHIT?

GG: um...

GG: no?

CC: no man he looked like he was dead not dying like wow how sick do you even have to be to attain that look

CC: anyway

CC: i guess hes got a fever like we could get him an icepack if you want

GG: no uhm ill be there in a minute ok?

GG: just leave him alone if hes sleeping. :u

CC: FINE. BUT WHAT IF HE DIES?

GG: he wont die silly!

GG: just wait for me!

\- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling CrowCrow [CC] at 5:15 PM EST -

It takes a bit of prying from Dave to get the laptop out of the trolls hands before he did something like chuck it out a window in exasperation worry. ( Though Dave has to admit that he did let the troll chuck it at a pile of smuppets. Let Byrd dig in there for it later, for revenge's sake. )

 

 

 

Byrd makes the weirdest sound as he feels something grab his shoulder and shake. The world stopped spinning so harshly now, but he could swear the weird static noise that came with it earlier hadn't stopped in the slightest, muffling the sound of someone talking to him. He cracks open an eye, observing the person - oh no wait...that’s jade...Weird.

"Hey," she smiles, quickly pushing her glasses up before they fell off her face. She rubs his forehead in a way that makes Byrd want to fall back into unconsciousness, but lucky him he didn’t fall back to sleep, because, seriously, having someone finding you sick is one thing, but finding your ex girlfriend doing so? Super awkward. She's opening a small box about the siz of her hand then, taking out its contents. "How are you feeling?"

"M'not..." - wait fuck what was the question again? - Byrd looks around the room from his cramped place on the couch; Karkat is idly standing off to his left, fidgeting with his hands as if uncertain what to do, Dave is probably in the kitchen, as he could hear the twin in there talking on his cell-phone about...a dead rat? wow, dave, you're _quite_ the charmer.

"You're not...?" Jade prods, taking the object out of its wrapper, a thermometer, by the looks of it. Oh great, is she really going to baby him? - Honestly, Byrd can't believe these people.

"I feel fine." He lies, feeling the dull throb in his stomach act up immediately after. Thank gog for the strider instincts or he'd have flinched and ruined everything. ( Even though Byrd knew at the back of his mind that Jade could see through his act. Maybe it was a Harley thing... )

Harley barely seems impressed, but lets it slide.

She takes the thermometer and places it in his mouth, telling him to stick it under his tongue for her as she pressed a few buttons and waited. Byrd has the oddest feeling of a cough coming on, but he felt if he were to do that Jade might as well choke him with a thousand bottles of cold medicine or something. He still remembers when Bro would give him that nasty ass crap when he was little. He doubts he'd even be able to even hold it down.

The small beep sounds off as Jade takes the thermometer out to look at it with a frown tugging at her lips subtly. He wonders what it says, but makes no move to sound out his curiosity. Jade presses a few more buttons on it, turning it off, before giving him a worried glance, then turning to Karkat.

"Hey can you help me move him to a bed?"

"I don't think I could lift the heavy fucker but yeah okay why not." Karkat answers, scooting the coffee table out of the way as he makes his way over to her. He gives Byrd an odd look before pushing him slightly, as if testing out his weight. ( Not like Byrd was fat or anything, _gosh_ , Karkat. )

Jade, seeming to catch Byrd's fleeting thought, rolls her eyes, before standing up, placing the thermometer to the side. "Karkat don't push him around, it might hurt him."

Karkat ceases the prodding, instead going over to try to lift Byrd from under the armpits, blaring curses quietly all the while. Byrd's head lolls to the side, feeling about as done as doneness could donedoneondoneoneodnondwofnaifuafi wait what was Karkat doing with him Byrd wonders, letting out the most weirdest giggle as Dave walks in the room.

Dave almost drops the cell-phone he was texting with at the strange sound coming from his twin. "I think you broke him way to go Harley." he responds, circling the couch, slipping his phone on the coffee table to the side, before taking up Byrd in his arms, one arm tucked under his knees, and the other holding the twin up.

"Ew I got sick germs on me now, ugh." Dave fusses, shifting the added weight in his arms uncomfortably, taking to the stairs to get to Byrd’s room, followed closely by both Jade and Karkat. Byrd never let anyone enter his room, so Dave really didn't know what to expect. Maybe Byrd had porno posters hanging off his walls or something like how Dirk had My Little Pony posters. Okay, ew, scratch both of those thoughts.

Karkat runs ahead, opening the door for Dave to pass through, after being told which door was Byrd's room. The room is surprisingly empty, besides the bed with at least five thousand blankets piled around it like holy cow, how could you slee-

"Aw, I thought he got rid of the nest after the game!" Harley coos, smiling at the arrangement, as Dave goes to sit Byrd in the weird make-shift nest-bed thing.

"pht," Dave snorts, wiping his hands on his pants. "yo, if blanket mountain were real I'm sure this would be like half of it."

Byrd lolls his head to face the wall to his right. "S'fuck you." he slurs, before closing his eyes to try to relax a minute. Too much moving around made his stomach twist into a hard knot again, pain throwing him in for a nice ride on the pain-coaster. Okay, that was a bad name, but who cares.

"Harley..." Byrd groans out, as Jade makes her way to 'the nest', leaning over him as if searching for something or another, concern lacing her features.

"Hm?"

"Do trees... _tie shoes_?"

It takes a good second or two for the question to actually click in her mind, but as soon as it does, she laughs, nearly toppling over him before standing up straight to laugh a bit more, Dave chuckling in the background along with Karkat. Jade has to stop herself before she starts to get short breathed. She swipes a stray tear from her eye, smiling down at the out-of-it blonde laying on the bed-nest.

"No, I don't think they can." She finally answers, before turning to the other two in the oddly bland-ish room. " _You_ ," she points to Karkat quickly, "get me a damp towel, and a bowl or something to put water in."

"and _you_ ," she directs her attention to Dave, as Karkat heads out the door to the hallway, "Get me the grocery bag I brought with me, and a bucket if you have one."

"Wouldn’t mr.grumpy face be a bit disgusted with a bucket though?"

"Oh..." Jade's commanding tone falters for a second. "Well, what thing do you think you hate enough to hold shit in?"

" _Lannguagggeee_ , Harley." Dave drawls out, amusement in his voice. "We have a child in the room with us."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Oh yes, and he didn't just say 'fuck you' a second ago."

Chuckling Dave opens up Byrd’s closet, eyeing the few items in there. For a guy who was once mixed with the most annoying bird in history he sure didn't have a lot of things besides clothes and the occasional boring book. Dave figured since Byrd was once part Crow that he'd literally horde anything shiny like sacred relics. Nothing in here would suit the need for a barf-catcher, though, unless old algebraic books could hold something other than useless information.

"Maybe we could take one of Bros smuppets and empty it of stuffing. Let him use that."

" _Gross_ , no way." Jade quickly says, blowing away that amusing idea, ( Dave swears if this ever comes up again he's so going to let Byrd barf into one of those things. Maybe he could set it underneath Dirks bed or something, to actually get the shithead to clean his room. )

"Alright I'll just go steal a flower pot or something from the neighbors hang tight." With that, Dave rushes out the room, nearly running into Karkat on his way down the stairs.

"So what the ever-loving slobber induced fuck is wrong with him?" Karkat asks as he enters the room to hand a bowl of water and a rag along with it. Jade quickly takes the damp rag and moves Byrd's head so she could place it atop his forehead without it slipping off. Byrd only hums in contentment.

"Well, I _think_ he has the stomach flu." Jade answers, scratching behind her ear; a strange habit that formed over the old SBURB game they all had gone through. "But he hasn't really thrown up or anything...That's kind of bad?" she guesses, placing the bowl of water on the small nightstand next to the bed.

"Why would not throwing up your anus be bad?"

"Well, humans usually throw up as their bodies try to rid itself of any virus." Jade tries to respond, looking to the ceiling in thought. "his temperature was really high though, so I'm worried."

"Ice packs? Air conditioning? A fan?" Karkat suggests, as if those were the answer to a quick recovery.

Jade allows herself to smile. "I don't think those might help. We just need to keep him hydrated, mostly. He can sweat the fever out for now, I think."

"Why do you have a wet towel on his head then?"

She glances back to the lump on the bed. "Because my grandpa used to do that with me whenever I had gotten sick, it helps a little bit."

"What was his temperature then, Doctor Harley?" Dave questions, standing in the doorway, grocery bag in one hand and puke pan in the other. Jade wonders vaguely where he'd obtained the pan, as they didn't even have a thermometer anywhere in this house.

"102." she says with a frown, taking the bag and pan from Dave, and placing them near the bed. She goes to shake Byrd’s shoulder, hoping to get a response out of him, but all she got was a weak push on her wrist as Byrd mumbled something incoherent.

She gently removes the hand laced around her wrist, placing it back on the bed. She turns to Dave. "Okay, just so you know I'm not going to stay here all the time with him, so either you or someone else here should watch his temperature and take care of him."

One of Dave’s eyebrows are raised in questioning, until he goes back to his neutral expression. "None of us know shit though."

"Well, then you can learn." Jade sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Just give him his medicine every once in a while and a nice cold rag. Also watch his temperature, if it rises call me. If it's raised at 104 call the ambulance or something."

"Awh, can't you stay here and play nurse?"

Karkat scoffs in the background, folding his arms. "If you can't take care of the arse than I could bring him to Egberts instead."

"Yeah, we could do that but moving him now, with his temperature?" Jade says, picking up the grocery bag she had brought, digging through it. "I think if you lowered his fever down you could take him, but not really now."

"Here's the pills. I would have gotten some Dayquil or something but I was in a rush...sorry." she adds on, tossing the bottle to Dave, who catches it out of pure reflex.

"But isn’t this the kind with alcohol and shit in it?" Dave chuckles. "If he does anything embarrassing while doped up on it you know I won't pass the chance of blackmail material, right?"

Jade huffs. " _Don't_." she growls, in finality. If she still had her dog ears they'd be all the way back most likely. She leaves the room, probably to return back to the Harley/English den she came out of.

"Wait what if he dies." Dave tries, using Karkat's old question.

"Just call me if something happens!" Jade yells back from downstairs. "I promised Rose I'd be at her place by eight - oh shoot, it's already seven thirty!" she gasps out.

As soon as both he and Karkat hear the front door close, and then the low thrum of Jade's car, they knew they were alone in this, as Dirk sucked even more than them when it came to crap like this. Karkat, bless his soul, trudges over to the sleeping form and prods him in the shoulder, unsure of how to approach this.

"Hey douche nugget wake up and take these pills."

Byrd chances a glance over to the small troll, rag on his forehead nearly falling off as he turns his head, and gives the troll an odd look before turning onto his side, facing the wall, with a huff of refusal, rag falling off anyway.

"M'nuh."

Dave laughs in the background, and takes the pills from Karkat. "Hey you need these like Nachos need cheese to work, so get up and take them."

Byrd raises an arm up from here he was, and Dave popped the bottle into his hand. Geesh, how lazy could you get?

"Don't you fucking need water or something for that?" Karkat asks, scratching one of his wrists.

"Nah, he can dry swallow them he's a pro at shit like that." Dave responds, throwing the vomit-pan in the bed-nest next to the sick occupant, before turning to go downstairs. "Hey are you going to stay here and baby him? - 'cause I got shit to do, see ya."

The troll frowns at the doorway Dave had left from, before finally shouting. "I'm making a pile from your shit then!" and then leaving the room to gather random objects to lay in. He knew that Dave would be near, anyway. Dave always tried to play off the 'I’m so cool' jig, but when it came down to it he was more of a worrywart than Karkat.

Dave was probably either guilt-ridden for leaving his twin alone, or worried sick. Karkat knew that Dave would probably move to the small guest room next to Byrd's room for the night, if only to make sure things were alright.

Walking down the hallway to Dave's room, the small troll decides to grab Byrd's laptop from the few smuppets downstairs, and haul it up along with the few things he could make a pile with. Karkat thinks that Byrd wouldn't mind if he used the former sprites computer for his stay, or some of his blankets from the weird blanket-nest-bed-thing.

After arranging the pile into a corner of Byrd's room, making sure to be as quiet as possible, as he wasn't too sure how humans react to being woken up by an intruder compared to a troll's actions, he sits down in it, knocking down a few random game boys, phones, etc. from his added weight.

Logging into Byrd's pesterchum, he decides that he should get some more information on this, and decides to make a group chat;

\- CrowCrow [CC] created board HEYFUCKERSTIMEFORLEARNING at 7:45 PM EST -

\- CrowCrow [CC] invited [12] new guests to board at 7:50 PM EST -

\- VigilantFever, TurntechGodhead, TerminallyCapricious, TentacleTherapist, TimeausTestified, WingedEnvy, TipsyGnogolstic, MediumReader, TwinArmegeddons, gallowsCalibrator responded to board [ see timespans ] -

TT: Let me guess; this is about Byrd?

CC: YES. I DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING CLUE OF WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM.

TA: Waiit what is wrong wiith him kk you cant just leave the rest of us bliind like this

VF: Terezi please resist from making that into a joke, as to reduce the amount of triggers this board already has.

GC: YOUR3 NO FUN >:T 1

\- gallowsCalibrator [GC] is idle! -

CC: WHO THE FUCK INVITED KANKRI BECAUSE I KNOW I DIDN'T.

CC: ANYWAY BYRDS SICK WITH SOME WEIRD STOMACH THING AND JADE LEFT AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM LIKE THIS.

TG: why not last i saw he was okay

TT: why couldn't you have told me?

TT: I could have helped somewhat.

TG: rose youd probably question the shit outta him no lie

TG: bu you coulda told us smoething!!

TG: *someting

TG: fuck it

TT: Just so you know, Dave, I have called bro. He is currently on his way back. I do hope you didn't mess anything up in his room while he was gone.

TG: shit the med box

\- TurntechGodhead [TG] is idle! -

CC: WOW DAVE YOU SOUND LIKE A HERD OF ELEPHANTS STAMPEDING DOWN THE HALL.

CC: ANYWAY I NEED HINTS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT.

CC: OH GOG 

\- CrowCrow [CC] is idle! -

WE: ,,, }:?

TG: okay drik whats foign on r/ now?

TT: I believe from the various cursing, that Dave is going to be caught, and that someone blew chunks of rainbow coloured waste.

TT: Byrd better not have blown shit all over anything electronic or I'm having him clean it.

TC: HoLy ShIt HuMaNs BlOw RaInBoW cHuNkS?

TT: Yes. We call it barfing, but that's up to debate in this household.

TC: MiRaCuLoUs

TC: :o)

TT: assuming that both Dave and Karkat are occupied at this time, do you mind explaining things?

TT: Byrd wouldn't pick up the phone, so Karkat, Dave and I decided to check up on him.

TT: Found him looking worse than a salamander unable to blow bubbles.

TT: He looked absolutely wrecked.

TG: oh noo my birdie :(

TG: im visitng later ok

TT: You'll have to ask bro.

TT: He is the adult of the house, so far.

VF: was the illness caused by s9me triggering event?

TT: Uhm...No?

TT: I just think he ate something wrong. Dude gets sick over stupid shit sometimes.

WE: wELL,,, wHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE ATE?

MR: something horrible maybe? like a cursed treasure or relic?

MR: he WAS fused with a crow at one point, it could be possible that he ate a cursed relic.

TC: MoThErFucKeR, wHaT yOu GoInG oN aBoUt? :o/

MR: My father ate a cursed relic once

MR: same thing happened to him!

WE: t,,,tHATS HORRIBLE!

WE: }:c

TT: I can assure you that he hasn't eaten anyting cursed.

TT: As far as I know.

TT: Unless he decided to eat that old pizza in the back of the fridge.

TT: If he did may God bless his soul.

TG: ?

TT: Rest in peace, Byrd. May your weirdo self find happiness in the afterlife.

TG: oh my gosh stop dirk thts sad whyyy 

TG: taers in my eyes r now 

TA: well alriight then dont humans have this weirdo buddy system goiing on when theyre siick?

TT: We do that sometimes, but no one here knows how to deal with sickness.

TT: Shit, last time anyone was sick here it was just Dave getting a sore throat.

TT: Nothing that involved shooting the loo.

\- CrowCrow [CC] is online! -

CC: THAT WAS DISGUSTING HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELVES KNOWING THAT THE HUMAN BIOLOGY IS THAT DISGUSTING?

CC: I WILL BE HAVING NIGHTMARES FROM THAT GROSS SUBSTANCE.

CC: FUCK YOU DAVE I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING ALL THE WAY HERE YOU FUCKASS.

TG: omgg r you okay like i can help

TT: roxy I don't think you'd be a reliable help when it comes to things like this.

VF: Karkat your board has way too many triggers what if someone has a panic attack or 'flips their lid'?

VF: I will list the triggers so no one is offended.

CC: NO FUCK YOU UGH NOT THIS AGAIN.

VF: #TW: mild language, questionable themes, horrible poetry, grammar issues, shouting, vulgar depictions of disgusting themes, etc.

VF: If anyone spots anymore please tell me so I can add on to my list.

CC: HOW ABOUT YOU GO DICK OFF WITH YOUR DIAMOND SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU.

VF: #TW: Suggestive themes.

VF: Thank you for adding on Karkat.

CC: wow ruddddeee

CC: don you know hw to treeat a lday

TT: and there is the man of the hour.

TG: birddiieee how are you ?

TG: you didnt eat the piza did you

CC: what

TG: gasp you did didnt you

CC: uh sofsedgu HE SAYS HES FINE IM TRYING TO GET HIM TO SLEEP BECAUSE THE INTERNET SAID THAT HELPS BUT HE WONT.

CC: NO BYRD LET ME TYPE YOU HUMONGUS SHITFESTED SHOE.

VF: #TW: violence. Abuse of shoes.

CC: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

WE: uH, JUST TELL HIM TO TAKE A NAP? 

CC: DOESN wsfiea never i will nver sleep sleep is f

CC: DIfwpoaIA

CC: HAH. I REIN SUPREME IN STRENGTH.

CC: SUCK ON THAT FUCKASS.

TT: Byrd, bro is coming home.

CC: ...

CC: WOAH THAT WORKED.

WE: }xD

TC: :oO

TA: wow what the fuck

\- TurntechGodhead [TG] is online! -

TG: ha hell never suspect a thing

TT: I'm sure he will.

TT: You do know that he asked me a little while ago to put motion sensors in his bedroom doorway right?

TG: so i was fucked either way

TG: you shit why didnt you tell me before when i was running around the house for my life

TG: it was like the zombie apocalypse was coming and i was preparing for it

TG: got inside the safehouse only to be cornered by five fucking tons of zombie shit

TT: You've been playing waayy too much left4dead...

TG: hey its the shit

\- GardenGnostic, ectoBiologist responded to board! [ see timeline ] -

GG: sorry for leaving so quickly earlier guys :(

GG: grandpa just said to be home before dinner and you cant go against grandpa

GG: also im with rose right now soooo

EB: hey everyone! :D

EB: and hey karkat! dad wants to know if youre staying with the striders for the night or something??

CC: YES. YES I AM. BECAUSE THESE STUPID FUCKERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP A SICK HUMAN.

EB: ...i believe it 

GG: uhm hows byrd?

TT: He's doing fine.

TG: no hes dying bro rip

TT: dirk has already made that joke, dave.

TG: dam

CC: WELL HE THREW UP.

CC: HOW DO I STOP HIM FROM THROWING UP.

GG: ...

GG: you dont you silly!

TG: you could always buy some illegal tranquilizers

EB: dave! :o

TG: what they used to work for my old gerbil

WE: ...gERBIL? }:/

MR: It's a type of fur beast the humans keep around for entertainment.

WE: oH,,,

CC: WELL SHIT GUYS JUST DROP ALL WEIRD HUMAN INFORMATION FOR SICKNESS IN THIS CHAT. 

\- CrowCrow [CC] has left the board! [ see timeline ] -

EB: we can do that karkat! :B

GG: leave it to us okay? 

GG: :)

WE: iLL TRY TO HELP I GUESS }:u

 

 

 

He felt like he was _burning_ , but at the same time like he was freezing. It's not an unfamiliar feeling, as he used to feel the same as a sprite sometimes, but this wasn't the comfortable hot-cold, this was the 'oh my God I’m dying burningburningbu-coldcoldfreezing what is life' feeling. It made his stomach do dangerous twists and turns, and even though the room didn't spin as much anymore, he could swear he was on a boat in the middle of the ocean.

Karkat is fiddling around some more on his laptop, typing away noiselessly into the night; he had turned off the lights a little while ago, as trolls eyes really didn't need all the light humans did. Still, seeing the grumpy troll illuminated by the light of the screen was harder to do than he thought, as his eyes still wouldn't focus on anything.

"Hey..."

Turning his head to look at his friend across the room made him more sick than usual, but for now he'd play it cool (even though everything about being sick was uncool. Never getting sick again. )

"Hey." he responds, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

"How long does this last?" Karkat asks, typing slower now that his attention is on Byrd.

"'Bout a week."

"Okay." Karkat types some more, before turning to Byrd again. "Do you need something? -Y'know, for this." he gestures with his hand toward the sickly person.

Byrd rolled his eyes, only to have a few short minutes of vertigo wash over him from it. He tries to lift himself into a seated position, back against the wall for support. "Yeah..." he answers, lifting a hand to rub at his head, "Tylenol maybe?"

In an instant the troll is next to the nest-bed, Tylenol in hand along with a glass of water from downstairs. ( An angel has been summoned, Byrd idly thinks. )

"Anything you could tell me about this?" Karkat questions some more, watching as Byrd chokes down the pills. "No grubfucker really has been telling me shit about this and your internet says you are dying."

Byrd nearly snorts up the gulp of water mid-gulp, he huffs an air of laughter, throat feeling raw. "Well I think I could sleep it off?" He says, but in more of a question than anything else. He leans foreword to set the glass back on his nightstand, thankful that the small troll was the only one around. Karkat made him feel better, as the troll was genuinely concerned for everyone, which, if Byrd had to admit, was kind of nice.

Not that he was going to say that. Lord knows if he said that he'd have to wallow out of the grave the troll would dig for him.

"So..." he wheezes, voice fluctuating at a strange volume. "you don't have to stay here. You heard Dirk; Bro's coming."

"I'm sure that beanbag doesn't know shit about this stuff either."

Byrd couldn't help but laugh, which led to a small coughing fit that made his lungs burn and twist - and oh God why. Byrd groans, laying himself down back into the blankets below him. He had completely forgotten his eyes were closed, but right now he just couldn't care about Karkat's expression right now. Besides, no matter how much he talked big about colds and such, something told him that burning lungs was not a normal everyday illness, and this worried him somewhat. ( made him want to crawl into a hidden corner somewhere and cry oh God it _still_ burns it _hurts_ where the fuck is bro ).

A clawed hand rests on top of his forehead gently, as if afraid it'd harm him, until it goes to run fingers through his hair soothingly. Byrd wonders if Karkat knew it hurt, somehow. Maybe trolls have some kind of sense or something for shit like that. Byrd had heard somewhere that certain species could sense when someone was in pain.

It calms him down a bit, makes him relax against the strange pain in his chest that won't leave; he thinks he hears some strange chattering that oddly sounds like humming. He never knew Karkat could hum, well, willingly. He'd have to ask about it later when all of this settles down. He likes to believe that when Bro finally arrives that everything will be okay from there on out ( even though he knows that Bro might not even know what to do about this, bro's company would sure be appreciated a lot right now. )

The pain never leaves though; it seems to start right back up after every breath. Perhaps he caught Ebola. How fucked up would that be if he did though. The pain stays at a small agonizing throb, no matter how little he breathes in. It reminds Byrd of when noir decided to use him for sword practice ( it still makes him want to throw up, knowing that he had sported a sword through him throughout the entire game of SBURB. He was nearly traumatized when he realized he was still alive, back then. He is still fearful of even thinking about it anymore. )

"I'm going to the pile for a few," Karkat says softly, stopping his previous actions and standing up. "if you need me don't throw shit at me. Actually shout or something okay?"

A while ago when John's family had a huge fight over something, Karkat came to stay with Byrd for a week or two until the Egberts calmed down enough and the shit-storm to pass by. Dave would constantly wake Karkat up from his pile by either throwing pillows at the poor troll, or jumping on the pile and wrestling him out of it. It was pretty entertaining, and if Byrd wasn't in pain he'd most likely try to do that as well just to see that hilarious face Karkat pulls when he's surprised and angry.

"K." Byrd whispers, just barely audible, opening his eye a crack to watch Karkat moving across the room to the pile.

 

 

 

He can't sleep.

Rolling over to his right side facing the wall he tries again to follow the alluring lull of sleep, only to open his eyes again, nearly hissing curses as he turns on his left, facing the small pile on the other side of the room.

His whole chest aches, and he feels nauseous as he lets his hand clutch at the front of his shirt for a moment. He closes his eyes tight, sucks in a breath and holds it as the pain flares up thrice more than before. He couldn't help it - he hisses quietly.

He hopes, through all this, that he doesn't wake up Karkat, who just _oh-so-decided_ to stay in Byrd's room the night. That would be kind of awkward, explaining that no, Karkat, I am _not_ dying. ( Or is he? - He's not too sure right now. )

It's hot, he decides, as he kicks away at the blanket he had pulled up on top of himself earlier. He was in pain, but he knew how to cope with it easy enough from his less-than-birdy-lifestyle in SBURB. He sucks in another breath to hold, curling into himself, trying to let his body be fooled into sleeping for the rest of the night. ( Why wasn't Bro here? he wonders a bit, as another flare of pain blares in his chest. )

"Byrd?" He hears, somewhere right in front of him. He hums quietly in answer, shuddering as the room was suddenly to cold.

A hand is placed onto his forehead. "Hey - stop breathing so fast - Byrd? Hey?" someone says, carding fingers through his hair. Byrd moans as another wave of pain cuts through him. He grits his teeth, tries his best to keep from shouting out. Now, when he was a few years younger, he'd complain about all those silly baby colds he'd get, but right now this...whatever it is, is making him regret ever complaining.

"Oh shit - is that fucking _blood_?" the voice shakily asks, lacing itself with as much worry as anyone could ever have in a voice - why the fuck would a voice even have its own worry -

\- Oh hey it _is_ blood, he realizes when he cracks open an eye, looking down at the pillow he rested his head on, only to see a nice red blotch. He doesn't think that'll come out anytime soon. Maybe. He's not sure anymore.

He hears an entourage of 'fuckfuckfuckfuck's as Karkat seems to panic. The small troll rushes out the door with haste, footsteps echoing around the quiet-ish house as Karkat goes...wherever.

Byrd winces sharply as he tries to move. His chest feels like it's burning - and not the soft, slight burn he felt a few hours ago, either, as this burning was almost as if the real thing, minus the actual burn, and fire thing. He realizes that it is harder to breathe, and knows it should probably be something he should really stop to check out, if he could move easily, that is.

"Dirk," a hand quickly presses down onto both his forehead and chest, the voice wasn't truly recognizable as another flare of pain marked his brain thoughtless, only letting it go back to the instinctual act of 'survive'.

"Call - ing - blance." the voice snaps out, weird and disfigured as Byrd's heartbeat seems to be much louder, the hands pressing down a bit harder, as if the other person was trying to become a human lifeline, somehow.

"B - bro?" Byrd gasps out, the small word leaving him speechless in an act of trying to breathe properly. He looks up at the blurred figure before his focus goes and he decides staring at a wall is just perfe -

 _FUCK_ he curls up more into himself, if it was even possible. ( somebody please make it stop stop please it _hurthurthURTS_ oH GoD - )

"It's going to be okay -" the voice sounds - and wow, if he wasn't hurting like shit right now he'd love to see Bro's expression, because this was probably one of the first times in Byrd's life he has ever heard his eldest brother use that tone of voice. It also made him scared, though, because bro never used that voice. Ever. Unless something actually went down, which never happened until now.

He feels arms gather him up into some kind of weird one-person hug. He doesn't really want to move though, and the blood dripping from his nose is kind of distracting him, along with his chest. He doesn't honestly know what's going on.

"Dude - okay?" he hears, but right now he doesn't feel like moving his head to acknowledge the other person. His hand is being held by bro - ( gay, he would totally laugh about later. ) - And right now nothing could make him really feel alright.

He cringes, and wonders if he had broken his older sibling's hand or not, as he’s pretty sure the vice-like grip he hand on it was something pretty impressive, no lies. Bro doesn't say anything, and only holds him closer, as if trying to smother the pain in his own bro-like way. Byrd coughs quietly, his throat felt raw and the possible-bloodied-nose wasn't helping his breathing all that well, when his lungs decide to clench tight. ( Or, at least, he'll tell you his lungs literally did clench together because hey that's what it felt like. )

He opens his mouth - panting for maybe just a little more airway - nothing is happening though. Bro is quickly trying to figure out what is wrong, fingers moving all around Byrd's chest, and then feeling the younger's throat. Byrd wants to ask if somehow bro had some kind of inhaler from when Dave was younger, but all that came out was a panicked wheeze, and - okay - that _really_ did not sound healthy.

"Calm down, shh, hey -" Bro tries, rubbing his thumb on the other's cheek, as the other hand still clenches around Byrd's. He had laid the younger brother down a little bit during the whole 'i cant breathe' thing, but Byrd only just now could notice a single thing. " - it's alright, just breathe."

"I told you all he was dying! I knew it!" an angry shriek echoes out, followed by a few hissy-noises. Oh, wait, that was Karkat using his strange troll warning thing. Byrd wonders is Bro knew what those meant.

He’s pretty sure by now that he is dying. Thanks, Karkat, for supplying that info. Always knew you were right, in some twisted way.

"Where's that _goddamn_ ambulance?" Bro snarls, and wow, Byrd wonders if Bro always gets like this if Byrd is in trouble. He gasps out as another wave of pain decided to roll it's fucking way in - Bro is trying to calm him down, he knows, and wow would you look at that Byrd actually does cry ( he thought his tear ducts were shut tight when he was mixed up with a crow ).

 

 

 

The rest is pretty much hazy from there, but Byrd remembers being lifted up, and flashing lights, and Dave being the one to accompany him in the ambulance, because Bro was the only adult who could drive in the house of strider so far.

He didn't remember the way Dave clutched his twin's hand, or how Dave had to wipe his eyes periodically, and tried to keep himself with a cool expression. Byrd also didn't seem to notice how the paramedic danced in and out of his view, or the strange lights, cords, or tubing being toyed with inside the large vehicle ( or, as he dubbed it, 'meat wagon'. ).

 

 

 

 

\- CrowCrow [CC] opened up board HEYFUCKERSTIMEFORLEARNING at 4:25 AM EST -

CC: UPDATE: BYRD GOT HIMSELF A HOSPITAL ROOM AND THEY HAVE HIM ON SOME KIND OF VENTILATOR THING.

CC: YKNOW IN CASE YOU ALL WANTED TO KNOW HE WASN'T ACTUALLY DYING.

TT: what happened?

EB: karkat its four in the morning!

CC: AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU FUCKWAD.

CC: ALSO BYRD COULDNT BREATHE OR SOMETHING. LIKE, IT WAS KINDA WEIRD? 

CC: ANYWAY THEY TOOK HIM ON THE AMBULANCE AND ZOOMED OFF. I'M ON BYRDS PHONE RIGHT NOW.

TT: that explains why you are not in your own account yet.

TT: Please send him my regards. I will visit with my mother in the afternoon.

TG: yaeh I ndee to see if birdie is ok the poor lil thing

TG: wait a mintue tho

TG: ventalitpr?

TG: *ventalatpr

TG: fuck it the thing with the breathy thing?

CC: YEAH THE HUMANS SAID SOMETHING ABOUT AN INFECTION.

VF: #TW: language, bad grammar, etc.

CC: KANKRI I SWEAR TO GOG AND EVERYTHING YOU FIND HOLY IN THIS WORLD THAT IT IS WAY TOO LATE FOR THIS.

VF: Actually, the c9rrect term w9uld be 't99 early'.

CC: FUCK YOU GO BACK TO BED YOU IGNORANT SWINE.

TG: pht yeah you piggie 

TG: oink ionk 

VF: I cann9t sleep when I kn9w there is s9me9ne causing triggering t9 p99r unsuspecting tr9lls.

CC: MORE LIKE: OINK OINK *MORE HUMAN PIG NOISES*

VF: #TW: language, bad grammar, name-calling, etc.

CC: SERIOUSLY??? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

VF: Very much s9.

CC: ...

CC: #TW: SERIOUS OINK BEASTS.

TG: lmfaooo 

TT: This amuses me to no end.

EB: xB

VF: ...

VF: Very funny.

VF: #TW: language, bad grammar, name-calling, offensiveness, etc.

CC: WOW. HOW FAR CAN A PERSON GO.

VF: Far en9ugh.

CC: ANYWAY THEY SAID FAMILY COULD STAY THE NIGHT AND SHIT BUT I DON'T THINK I'M ALLOWED. 

TT: Perhaps they would let you stay if you explain your lack of a drivers license, or the means to leave without an adult present.

TT: I suggest you hide your phone, and act as if 'Bro' is the 'adult'. 

CC: WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO?

TT: Trust me. If 'Bro' refuses to leave Byrd, which we all know he will, then you're stuck there for the night.

TT: I did it when John's father was in the hospital. They decided, after a few minutes of debate, that I was like family.

TT: Of course, that was a different hospital all-together...

CC: FUCK

CC: ILL TRY ALRIGHT? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO WAKE DAD UP THIS LATE.

EB: yeah he has an early meeting tomorrow morning

EB: oh hey its actually in like two hours haha 

EB: ill visit tomorrow okay 

EB: night karkat! 

\- EctoBiologist [EB] has left the board! [see timeline] -

CC: NIGHT DOUCHE NUGGET.

CC: ANYWAY YEAH SO I GOTTA GO ALRIGHT?

TT: That is alright. I will inform our friends about what has happened, while you're away.

CC: THANKS, I GUESS.

TG: goooo and tell bird i hope he gets bettre!

TG: and that if he isnt better ill mkae him better 

TG: ;) ;) ;)

CC: ...

\- CrowCrow [CC] has left the board! [see timeline] -

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
